When you rise first..

This weekend was probably the most profound and life changing event I’ve ever been blessed to experience and attend. Ironically enough, having given time to really think about it, I have no idea why I ended up at this workshop. One of the many beautiful women who shared that space with me asked me how I came across Rebecca’s first book, Light is the New Black. And honestly, I have no idea. I presume it was just through one of my endless Book Depository spree’s and maybe came up in my recommended list. But I don’t remember buying it or why I did. One of life’s good ol’ mysteries I suppose, or maybe I’m just getting old, who knows.

The event was set in one of the most delicate venues I’ve ever seen, which mirrored back the beauty of over 100 woman who gathered. The Swiss Church in London appeared, to me, from the outside as almost underwhelming, a little barren. But once the cue of attendee’s began to flow through the door, and I got a glimpse inside, I was so taken aback by it’s elegance, which, yet again reminds us of the inaccuracy of external appearances in this world. Carefully trying to find a seat, and claiming one in which I felt a safe distance from the stage but also close enough to engage the full experience, I began to scan the room curiously.

A lot of the time, especially in busy cities, we learn to not look around or stare at people, perceiving it as rude or suggestive. I’m definitely one of those people to keep my head down on Grafton Street in hope of not offending someone or making awkward eye contact. But you could very clear sense that this wasn’t the case in this room. Almost everyone was looking around, staring at the women around them, without even an ounce of awkwardness or inauthenticity. Just looking, curiously, and their eyes being greeted with a smile. This calmness, ease and comfort, I predict, was due to the underlying understanding that all these women knew, understood, believed in and practised Rebecca’s work. By showing up to this event, every single woman in that room was admitting, exposing and surrendering their desire to be seen, their commitment to be part of something bigger and their yearning for connection. Knowing this deep down, these women came with either their guards down, partly down, or with the desire to fully release them, making it easy to relax into conversation’s with these women from the second we sat down.

Unfortunately the majority of women don’t operate like that. When one woman is first introduced to another woman, it’s more often than not met with guards up and the creation of ego-centric, self-talk of “She doesn’t like me”, “Girls don’t like me”, “She’s threatened by me”. Even regarding our close friends we presume that when they don’t write back in ten minutes that they hate us. Whether or not you care to admit it or not, every woman yearns for connection, friendship, trust, authenticity. Deep rooted mistrust between woman will forever be there until every single one of us drop those ancient myths of suspicion, doubt and distrust. Every single woman is doing their best in this over complex society, with the hand they’ve been dealt.

 

Tips to beginning meditation

It’s within the deepest silence that your truth is the loudest.

I can’t remember exactly that pushed me towards meditation, or towards any sort of self-care really. Probably a mixture of hitting rock bottom and a willingness to try anything, combined with the endless and wise words shared by the most successful leaders out there. Another shameless plug for the website www.morningroutine.com but if you read through the morning routines of the most successful people out there, you’ll realise that majority of them begin their day with some sort of meditative practise. Meditation does not promise itself to the form of sitting in complete silence on a cushion in the dark. While that, I’ve found, is the most profound and beneficial method of mediation for myself, it can take the form of dance, yoga, song, art, or any exercise.But for the purpose of this post, I’m going to refine the focus onto the type of still, meditative practise that has impact my life in so many positive ways.

Before you dive head first into a deep 25 minute meditative practise, theres a few things you need to be clear on. Firstly, identify your beliefs. Whether you prefer to call it God, universe,the vortex, spirit, angels or whatever your belief system revolves around, we are all connecting to that higher power during meditation. You need to get clear on what or who you are connecting to. Secondly, you need to get honest with yourself and understand why your beginning this practise and what you hope to get out of it. Write down goals, hopes, dreams, ambitions. Be specific, clear and nonnegotiable about these. This will be so important later in your practise.

If the idea of sitting in complete stillness and silence daunts you, don’t worry, it did (and still does) daunt me also. But meditation is called a practise for a reason. It’s not easy and something that needs to be practised, altered and constantly worked at in order to get closer to what you hope to gain from it, whether that be peace, spirituality , understanding or making a decision.

Place

Choose a place that your going to meditate. This place doesn’t need to be anything decorated, lit by candles or particularly spiritual. It just needs to be a place that you can go to and be alone. For me, I selected a corner in my room, a space between the wall and my desk. It’s a place where I don’t feel exposed or uncomfortable. Also since I meditate first thing in the morning before my family is awake, not leaving my room reduces the risk of waking anyone else up. All you need is a cushion, a yoga mat or a yoga block. Pick whatever you find comfortable. Usually a candle is a nice addition to your meditative space. I like to light it just before I begin, or just after I’ve finished. For beginners, if closing your eyes results in a lack of focus or clarity, focusing on the flame of the candle can be an effective way to focus the attention before closing your eyes to focus on the mind.

Time

Two sides to this element, when and how long? The time of day isn’t hugely important. However, meditation first thing after awaking from sleep is said to be most effective as you are seen to be closer connected to our higher powers when we first awake. Most mornings, it’s my first practise of the day. However often if it is a cold morning, I meditate better after a cup of tea or a little food to warm my body up. I would recommend trying both morning meditation, and evening meditation. I do both. Personally I meditate better and longer in the evenings, however I am non-negotiable with my morning meditation also. Mainly because i find it to be the most effective way to start my day. How long? So I started with guided meditations. Jason Stephenson on youtube is great for guided meditations. These were usually 10-15 minutes long and I focused on completing a full meditation, which I found relatively easy for myself. Now having moved away from guided mediation and either sitting in silence or with meditative music in the background, my practise can last between 10 minutes-30 minutes, depending on my level of focus, time of day and my timetable for the day. I’d recommend downloading the app Insight Timer to track your meditation practise day to day, and also how long you spend at it. It doesn’t matter if you start with 2, 5 or 10 minutes.

Habit

Show up. Every. Single. Day. To reap the benefits, you have to stay consistent and non-negotiable with your practise. And before you start telling yourself that you don’t have time to do it every single morning, then your denying yourself the opportunity to present the best version of yourself to that day. Your also deny that privilege to those around you. Similar to being on a plane in an emergency, put on your own lifejacket before attending to others. If your not putting your own self first, you cannot give your full self to other around you.

Posture

Short and sweet for this one. Literally just experience with different postures.You can lie down flat on the floor, can sit up with legs crossed, sit on a chair with legs planted on the ground or do it lying with your back on the floor with your legs elevated on the wall. I used all of these interchangeably, sometimes I even go from cross legged to lying down or legs elevated. Just depending on my mood and the day. But always have your palms facing upwards (receiving mode).

Focal Point and Disassociation

This is the most challenging part of meditation. People get frustrated with themselves when their minds wander, or they can’t focus, or their moving around and get restless. But it’s peaceful to know that even the minds of the best meditators wand, they get restless and can’t focus. The only difference is that they have mastered the skill of noticing these emotions, feelings, distractions and gentle refocus their attention on the focal point. Options of focal points can be a visual focal point i.e candle, a mantra (where one word is repeated and focused on in the mind) or focusing on your breath. I switch between breath and mantras during my meditations. For examples of mantras, google different types and when you find one that resonates with you, repeat it in your head while breathing deeply and relaxing the muscles in your body. Body scans are also great for focusing and relaxing during meditations. This involves bringing your focus to your feet, and working your way up slow to your head, tensing and releasing the muscles as you move up. Notice any places of your body that feel particularly tense, but do not try change it or get frustrated. Just notice them, take a deep breath and keep moving onwards.

Experiment and find what works best for you, stick to it and it will get easier. Meditation is a practise, just like yoga or learning an instrument. It’s okay to find it hard to focus, or be a little restless at first, ease into it and you’ll start reaping the endless benefits. If anyone has any questions, fire them at me! Also Ive a tonne of guided mediations for children if any parents, teachers or students are interested in starting mindful meditation within the classroom!

Resources

• Find your mantra here or here or even here. Mantras can be as simple as “Joy” “Love” “Solitude” “Peace” etc..
• Insight Timer App
• My favourite guided meditations 
• Deco-inspo for your meditation corner, room, space etc..

 

 

Avoidance, suppression or head on: Emotional regulation

“What you resist, persists”

Emotions are all about energy. All emotions, if we understand them, can serve us well. They stop us starving to death or getting eaten by wild animals. Being alive means that we have emotions and the wide variety of emotions we experience is not the problem. The problem is that we get overwhelmed by emotions and struggle to focus on anything else. Sometimes these emotions are positive, nature and don’t really phase us (exception: hanger). But sometimes, these emotions really can be pretty overwhelming, and I know this for a fact. When I had hit rock bottom, I gave 100% control to my emotions because frankly, I don’t think I cared enough, or had enough self-respect or love for myself to do otherwise. But this is far from reality. You’ll hear a lot of the time that we are IN control of our emotions, feelings and thoughts, but that does not mean that we need to control, suppress or dismiss them.

Various emotions require different approaches, at different times, for different reasons. The lessons we need to learn are when, why, and how we managed these perceived negative emotions. I used the word perceived here because I feel that we need to recognise that absolutely nothing in life is bad or good, it just is. It’s our views, opinions and feelings towards these things that make them good or bad. Apply this to any area of your life to demonstrate how this is so. Take an exam for example. Some people perceive these to be terrifying, difficult and a “bad” element of education. However, some people perceive it to be an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, to revel in our victories or simply a neutral experience which measures our level of understanding. These both depend on whether your mind operates on a medium of love or fear. Either way, an exam is and always will be just that, not good, or bad.

Focusing on understanding, teasing out and embracing your emotions. Spend time decoding them.

When focusing in our approaches to perceived negative emotions such as jealousy, disappointment, resentment, anger, sadness, we have some options with how we deal with them. Obviously we could all throw a tantrum and get violent, but in reality majority of us try our best to deal with these appropriately, and usually adopting one of these two methods; Reappraisal or suppression.

Suppression, as you can imagine, involves avoiding and not showing any signs of this emotion on your face or your actions. Instead it sits violently in the pit of your stomach making you want to throw up or have the ground swallow you whole.

Reappraisal, on the other hand, is similar to positive self-talk. For example, if you fail your driving test, a lot of people can say to themselves “it’s just a driving test, I can still take the bus”. It’s similar to looking on the bright side of life and quickly moving on. Naturally this seems like the better opinion, which it by far is. As I said before, what you resist, persists. Suppression of emotions is like sending your emotions to the basement gym, where they work out, get ripped and come back stronger. Eventually they’re gonna hit up the steroids and you’re screwed then.

While reappraisal is common, and generally viewed as the better option, is still involves an element of slight suppression when you quickly bring yourself up and out of the negative thoughts. Another option, which is the one I’d truly recommend, is a more mindful practise, which I promise will change your life if you can stick with it. The approach can appear bitter at first, but its fruits are sweet.

This approach requires full acceptance of the thoughts and feelings you have, without labelling them as negative. It involves thoroughly embracing and feeling the emotions without reacting to them or letting them determine our behaviour.The paradox of this approach is that they will honestly settle themselves on their own if we allow them. But if we fight them, resist them or suppress them, its like throwing wood on a fire. The truth is, by the time we start feeling an emotion, its already starting to leave us, if we allow it. But fighting it makes it remain and grow stronger. A lot of people struggle with this, and trust me, I get how hard it is. But I’ll give you a few practical examples and strategies to demonstrate what I mean.

Let’s take resentment for example. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Research actually shows that prolonged anger has been found to make our DNA age faster. So even if you don’t harm others as a result of anger, your certainly harming yourself. Thats why it’s so important not to let anger fester, or drive our actions. In this situation, I have a few different approaches that I adopt.

The baby/bunny approach

Next time someone does something that hurts you, annoys you or angers you, imagine them as their younger 8 year old self (or a bunny, or puppy, if children turn your stomach) who did whatever they did out of their own fears and insecurities. Their actions weren’t anything personal on you, but merely their own issues being played out in the only way they know how. In this situation, you’ll find yourself feeling more compassion for them, rather than resentment.

Hard-core embracing

If the above doesn’t work (which it usually does if your naturally empathetic) you can try this approach, which is significantly more difficult. It involves sitting down and 100% feeling the emotion while simultaneously focusing on your breath. Don’t name the emotion and don’t let your mind wander. Just let it sit in your stomach and breathe into it. I promise you the feeling will pass, and you will feel a lot better for it. Reacting only fires up the emotion more. View the actions of the other person as a lesson, an opportunity for you to practice this skill. Other humans in this world are literally just teachers who are drawn to us to teach us lessons. Embrace those that you dislike as an opportunity to practise these skills (plus read my previous post Lisa Rambles #2 Millions of Mirrors Theory, that’ll give some more perspectives on why we don’t always get on with each other)

Journaling

Very simply write that person a huge letter starting with “You ought know…”and say everything you’d say to them in person. Include what they did, how it made you feel, and what you wish they would have done instead. But take responsibility.Towards the end of the letter include what you may have done to contribute to this, or what you could have done to avoid it. Don’t place all the blame on them. Chances are that you played a pretty big role. Once it’s over you’ll feel a million times better, and then throw it out (and for the love of god don’t leave it lying around or email it by mistake).

Genuine curiosity

 I LOVE this one and recommend using it in every aspect, with every emotion and every experience you have. Whenever I find myself feeling jealous or comparing myself to another person, the first thing I say to myself is “Oh my god, this is so interesting”. Literally adopt an alien perspective on the event or encounter. Imagine you are an alien who just inhibited this human body and are feeling this emotion as a third party. The dialogue usually goes something like this: “oh my god this is so interesting. Why am i feeling this way towards/about X, Y, Z? I wonder if…? Is it because…? Is this about me or them? What if it happened a different way? Would I feel different? Is this because I’m hungry/tired? or Is this legit?” . To be honest, dialogue gets interesting very fast, and you soon realise its very much about you rather than them. Plus you get to know yourself very well. You cannot be genuinely curious about something while simultaneously trying to get rid of it. So if you struggle with the hard-core sitting and embracing, try this as a way to get used to it.

While all of the above our very much focused on gaining mental space and perspective, I get that it’s not always the best option. Sometimes while mental space is the only option we have if we can’t escape, physical space can be just as and sometimes more rewarding when paired with mental release and exploration. So get to know yourself, know what works best for you, be open and get curious. And remember that your emotions are your creative project, not others. Try not drag people down, because they have their own creative project going on in their mind also.

Creating intent from the outset

I’m not gonna lie, this one was the hardest one for me to tackle. My biggest issue was (and still sometimes is) the concept of time. For a lot of people, you could give them 60 hours in a day and they still will run around like a lunatic repeating “I don’t have enough time” “I cant do that because I’ve to do this, this and this” “I’ll never get all this done” “no I cant come for tea, are you crazy?”.

It’s that urgency you feel on Grafton Street, or on a college campus that forces you to keep up, walk fast, walk with a sense of purpose. And in reality, there isn’t probably somewhere urgent to be. It’s this sense of “not enough” niggling in the back of our minds.

When you frequently find yourself in a state of chaos, take time to listen to what your saying to yourself in your head. If your constantly telling yourself that there isn’t enough time, or that you have so much to do, I can guarantee your words will become your reality. I’m pretty sure we actually subconsciously decreasing our hours in our day through a lack of presence. Living in the future speeds up your present, and lets the fun and potential of each day fly by your eyes.

That sense of urgency both inhibits your ability to do the tasks needed that day, and also doesn’t appreciate the time you DO have free in the day. The biggest tip (and not the one you want to hear) I can give anyone is to get up as early as you can. Get up before anyone else in your family. I know that sounds so standard and basic, and it is. But until you recreate your routine, not much else will change. I am LOVING  http://mymorningroutine.com/ recently, where anyone who is anyone is interviewed about their morning routine. I mean, if they’re doing interviews on it, it must be important right? Have a look and you’ll find that anyone who has created something big for themselves, who is following their dream and living their life to the fullest, begins their day early (between 4:30am to 7am).

I used to have such a disordered and unhealthy perception of time. For me, I honestly couldn’t, and still probably cant, estimate or guess how long it will take to me do something or get somewhere. I constantly was saying “there will be traffic, or an accident, I’ll leave early”. There is no problem with leaving early, in fact thats a great quality to have. But mine was very OTT. A combination of anxiety and a disordered perception of time meant that I was always early, and always frustrated that people were “late” (when they were actually just on time). This sense of urgency and uncertainty meant i was constantly stressed and rushing places, just to be early and left waiting. I always told myself that next time id leave earlier, but when the time came around, the anxiety came back. It was a vicious circle really.

However, since this journey of self-improvement, per say, my relationship with time has taken a full 360. Now my morning routine consists of the following:

• Alarm goes off at roughly 5:30
• Meditate
• Journal
• Make a cup of coffee with some source of fats (I choose cacao butter)
• Sit on my bed, book in hand and enjoy my coffee
• Whenever my coffee is finished and I get to the end of a chapter, I get up, do my makeup (If I’m in the mood to) and get dressed

By this time my family is awake and moving about. I’ll also note here that after my alarm, I don’t actually look at the time between waking and leaving the house. I refused to rush around thinking that I’ve spent too much time on myself this morning. So sometimes I end up being in my car earlier than normal, sometimes later. The point is that I don’t stress and instead just get going. After all, what’s the worst that can happen being a little late? Usually you’ll rush around, driving madly to find that everyone else is late also, or no one even noticed you were late.

 

So in creating your own routine I’d recommend doing something every morning that satisfies:

1. Your vitality (mind/body): meditating, journalling, yoga, stretching or a workout (if you can or are into it)
2. Your Connections (relationships with family, friends, beliefs): Send a text to someone you haven’t connected with, do something nice for a family member, sit down and actually talk at the breakfast table together, connect to god/the universe/whatever you believe in.
3. Contribution (your gift, talents, input to the world): schedule a practise into your day, action steps towards your goal, create something i.e blog post, send out a positive message out on social media etc.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure its sustainable. Include elements that make it easy to jump out of bed in the morning, include things you love doing and that make it fun. For me its my cup of coffee, my favourite book, candles and calm music. For others it could be lively music, dancing, yoga, writing, creating art. Try avoid screens of all sorts until your fully awake and your routine in finished, including laptops and phones. Make a routine and make it non negotiable. You’ll notice after a while, if you stop doing it, your day won’t go as smoothly. Create your intent from the outset, the rest will fall into place.

Lisa Rambles #2 Millions of Mirrors Theory

Some people just don’t get it. Some people just don’t get you. Some people just live in a vicious circle of limiting thoughts and beliefs and choose fear above anything else.

That’s not your problem though. Your sole concern is yourself, your vitality, your connection and your contribution.

This is something that I often need repeated to me. I’m one of those people who absorb others energy and vibes like a sponge. I used to view this as a negative thing, that I couldn’t handle pressure, negative energies or other peoples emotions. People shouting, arguing, rolling their eyes, being pessimistic and having a negative view on life make me feel sick to my stomach, makes me feel like I want to cry and sprint out of the room. It’s so overwhelming and I used to view it as weak. I’ve realised that its not my downfall, its the strongest part of myself. It’s the part that protects myself. It’s the part that shows me exactly what living from fear looks like. And the fact that I can’t handle being around those who live their lives in fear and negativity, is the most reassuring part of my being. It’s a protection. It’s my gut telling me that I need to get out of that situation, and away from those people. It shows me that my intuition is strong. When you listen to your intuition, nothing can go wrong. No one ever regrets listening to their intuition.

While I love and am grateful for my strong intuition in adverse conditions, I sometimes wish that what others say and do didn’t affect me the way it does. But acceptance means recognising this sensitivity as being part of who i am and embracing it. Now I view these experiences as material. Material to learn from, reflect on and write about. Hence this blog.

I’ve read in both Melissa Ambrossini’s and Jen Sincero’s books (both amazing) that we are surrounded by millions of mirrors. These mirrors are the people we encounter each day, who reflect back to us parts of us that we don’t like about ourselves, parts we fear are apart of us, or parts that we are trying to change or resist. For example, I used to being a serious control freak. I used to think of it as a strength of mine, that I was organised and focused. But let’s be honest, it was a destructive and dreary habit of mine. I’m working on it daily and have seen such a huge improvement in my life since actively learning to let go. Putting the millions of mirrors in practise, in the past, If i met someone who was controlling like I was, I would have instantly clicked with them. They understood me and we could be organised and structured together. But now, when I meet people who display signs of being controlling, I automatically feel uncomfortable around them, and take a disliking to them. This is because they are reflecting back a part of me that I dislike, that Im trying to stay away from.

Millions of mirrors theory can be applied to any situation and isn’t always negative. For example, take a look at your role models in life, those you aspire to be like. If you consider the millions of mirror theory, the traits and qualities you admire in those people, are embedded in you somewhere. All you need to do is tap into them and practise them. For me, people who are controlling and ridged are far from the person I want to be, and therefore instantly (and very subconsciously) take a step away from them. Consider someone you dislike, try and find what you dislike about them, and I can guarantee that somehow you have an element of that in yourself.

Size: Unknown

This is the first time I really felt the struggle of turning my back on health and fitness. Faced with my first night out in a long time, and the trying on of outfits is soul crushing. I mentally select outfits I used to wear repeatedly, and i knew what i looked and felt like in them. Attractive, confident, comfortable. Now Im trying on those outfits, looking in the mirror and seeing a completely different person. Just like any change in your size, you don’t see day to day changes, usually because its that slow. But seeing these changes isn’t as challenging as feeling the changes. The change feels tight, comfortable, foreign. Sitting down and feeling a pressure against the top of my jeans that I haven’t felt in a long time. The constantly shuffling trying to rearrange the section where my top and trousers meet. Even more difficult when your heading out for food. Looking in the mirror and seeing a new person is emotional. At first, its not good emotions. No, I don’t look like the lean girl i used to see staring back at me, no my waist isn’t small or my shoulders defined. But i’m not that girl anymore. She was sad, restricted, controlled. I’m someone new now. My body is merely the vessel which carries my soul and my truth. It’s a companion which aims to mirror your internal feelings and thoughts. This body is mirroring someone new, someone who doesn’t restrict, someone free, someone happy, someone who respects themselves.

So no I can’t wear these clothes anymore. They belong to someone else, someone who I don’t particularly want to see again. Guess it’s time for a shopping spree!

Lisa rambles #1

This is a little mini blog series that I’ll be including of literally just my free-written rambles that come into my head. They don’t follow a structure and aren’t really edited. Just raw thoughts. Enjoy!

#1

No one can help you. Only you can help yourself. Seeking external reassurance and guidance only shouts to the universe that you are incapable of trusting your intuition, listening to your inner voice and embracing your true desires. External opinions, views or advice can steer you from your true path, leading you down one which only distances you from your goals. Trust your gut, listen to your inner voice which screams out to take the leap.

Don’t let doubt creep in and consume your truth. Doubt leads to regret, and a life of regret is painful. No one ever said that they regret listening to their gut. Your intuition is the only voice in this world that stops you from settling, stops you from making choices to please other people. Stop doing thing you don’t want because you “should”, because someone else told you it was right, because your mom believes otherwise.

You are your own person, your own unique light and no one else will never understand you like you do. Dig deep, find your inner voice, find your truth and show up and listen to that voice every day. Even if it’s as simple as what sandwich you want to eat. Don’t select cheese in your head, and then second guess it because cheese is fattening for god sake. Don’t begin to write a book and then think that maybe you’re not ready, or that you need to take a creative writing class first. Don’t force yourself to go on a night out for fear of seeming unsocial for staying in. Eat the cheese, write the book, stay in and do YOU.

Why the Irish “Fitfam” is not serving you

I remember that initial feeling of “joining” the Irish ‘fitfam’. I finally felt that I fit in somewhere, that these people that I didn’t even know were my people, they got me, they were going to support me, and that this was the best community out there.

Based on this, I was originally going to write an entry aimed at trying to show people involved in this community why its toxic and how you can break out, and if anyone reading this wants to hear that, feel free to message me. But I realized that for myself, part of me is still lingering in that community and my habits aren’t 100% detached from how that community makes you believe you should act. It’s still a daily struggle to not track, analyze and control my food choices. Writing a blog on it I think is still too close to home for me, and until I’m further away from it, ill avoid delving into it for fear of regression. However, I’m sure this title attracted some of the fitfam heads, armed and ready to defend their ways and why they are the epitome of health and fitness. Those who have come for that health and fitness world, I hope have chose to read this because somewhere deep inside, their instinct is calling out for them to stop their dogmatic chain of negative, self harming lifestyle which they sugar coat by calling it the “fitness lifestyle”. Instead I will share something that I feel all people, especially those from the health and fitness world, need to hear. This is grim, and im sure I can get a lot of critism for saying this, but I challenge you be honest, reflect and be real and ask yourself this question;

If I died tomorrow, what would people say at my funeral?

Ill set an example here and tell you that this was a huge wake up call for me. Because you know what? Before I decided to change my life, my response to that question would have been “People would say; “Oh, lisa was very good at counting her food, exercising and… well… being in control.” Maybe it would have been those exact words, they would have sugar coated it with “She’s very determined, very ambitious, doesn’t give up”. But it would have been the same meaning.

What do you think they’d say?

Once you’ve identified it, and been truly honest with yourself, ask yourself is this it? Is that your truth? Do you have more to give to this world, more to share, more to experience?

I’m on a journey to change that answer and I often check back in and re-ask myself and see if it changes month to month. What I want to hear is “She was kind, she was curious, explored, loved, gave without the expectation of receiving. She made a difference in children’s lives. She was a dedicated mother who gave nothing but the world to her family.”

Rewrite your life NOW. Look at your current reality and what you want your reality to be. Write it down, pen to paper and get going. Because that community that makes you think your apart of something big, is only detaching you from your truth, your potential and your real purpose.

 

Our Inner Bitch (aka Our Ego)

The thing about this concept of the “ego” is one that’s different from the context in which we usually interpret it in. Contrary to what you may believe, it’s actually not that voice in your head that tells you that you look amazing in that outfit, or that your makeup is on point, or that you deserve that piece of salted caramel cheesecake. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. Us Irish are unbelievably gifted at avoiding compliments and insulting ourselves. We all know the whole “Thx hun, pennies” joke. But that notion of our “ego” being construed as being big-headed is so far off the mark. In fact, all the times when a positive self-encouraging thought comes into your head, that’s not arrogance, or even confidence, it’s your truth. Most of us quickly drown out that true voice, and tell ourselves to come back down to earth. Hushing that voice is an injustice to yourself, and will only keep you stagnant in your life. Stop telling yourself to get your head out of your ass (as so many of us do, I mean, how dare we love ourselves, right?) and take that inner sound dial and higher that shit up.

That self-confident, self-loving voice is not your ego. The ego to which I’m referring to here, is that inner bitch that seems to pop up whenever you have a bright idea, or a positive thought. The one that says “who do you think you are?”; the one who tells you your not enough, or you can’t do that because x, y and z. The one that doubts your ability heading into an exam, the one that gives you anxiety eating a food that is listed on that non-existent “bad foods list”, the one that says you can’t run an extra mile. It’s like bringing your worried old nana everywhere with you, while she constantly asks you “is this safe?” “Shouldn’t we just go home” “Maybe we should just call it a day…”

That voice is so impossible to dim out. On bad days, it’s sometimes the only voice we can hear. But separate yourself from that voice. The ego is not your truth; in fact it’s so far removed from your true self. In brief, your true self is when you are doing something that lights you up, that you can get completely and utter lost in. For some people it’s dancing, singing, writing, running, creating, whatever. The only reason people don’t follow their passions, is because their ego is giving them some lame excuse as to why they cant. So they settle, go through the motions and simply survive. Thanks but no thanks. So whenever that voice pops up, and doubts you, or tells you that you can’t do something I challenge you to mentally punch that bitch in the face, and do it anyway.

Life cannot be lived without the sense of fear, its engrained in us. But our true lives begin when we recognize that something else is more important than that fear.

Re-evaluating your purpose

Life is a never-ending lesson in which the universe/god/whatever decides to throw obstacles and opportunities at you when its deemed necessary for us to learn, grow and expand. The challenges we face are not the problem, in fact, they are the blessings in disguise. In my view, the problem is that when people are faced with a decision or problem, and their natural instinct is to look to external sources for approval, reassurance or agreement. The challenges and struggles you have been dealt are unique and created just for you, and can only be faced, solved and overcome by you. The odd thing is, people who rely on others judgements and approval are not “out of sync” with their intuition, or struggling to trust their own decision-making skills. The reality is that they know exactly what they have to do, what needs to be done, and what will raise their frequency and spirits, except for some reason they don’t want to listen to it. I’ll keep this on a very basic level, with an example that can be applied to any situation. Lets take a look at the humble student.

As a student, I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve sat down in college and overheard other students stressing, threatening to complain to the department that their overworked and the work load is impossible, and then proceeding to directly follow that conversation with “you headin’ SU later?”. I hear more people these days complaining about life, than actually going and doing something about it. I’m not saying college work isn’t a complete drag, it is. But I’m talking about the bigger picture in life. Have you ever gotten into the car, and been so far removed from reality that you don’t even remember getting to your destination? Or buying a cup of coffee and not even remembering drinking it? That’s exactly what so many of us do in our daily lives. We rush around, complain (as though its an integral part of our daily routine), do the usual work, college, and gym and go home. And I’m not referring to “mindfulness” which is “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something”, I’m talking about living a life that instinctually makes you aware of exactly what your doing because you love it.

At the end of every day, ask yourself ”Did I do something fun today?”, “Did I do something purely for myself?” “Was I productive today?” “What made me feel good, supported and important?” “What didn’t serve me today? What lowered by happiness?” In order to live your life in a way that serves you, excites you, fulfils you, you have to first remove some toxic actions you may be partaking in, sometimes consciously, but mainly unconsciously. Sometimes you have to first skim away the moss ontop of the lake, to get to the clear blue water.

The purpose of this blog is to unpack the limiting beliefs we sometimes have which stop us from being pro-active, following our ambitions and trusting our own instincts. Limiting beliefs I’m referring to include “I don’t have enough time”, “I’m not ready”, “theres other people just like me out there that I cant compete with”. There is no end goal or “ah ha” moment with this kind of process, it’s a life long lesson that never ends. But for now, i’m happy enough to share this process, including the good, the bad and the ugly.